You can care about someone and want different things on a particular evening. Talking about that difference need not begin with deciding which person has the right level of desire. A gentler starting point is understanding what each of you is experiencing.
This guide offers conversation prompts, not a therapy programme or a promise that talking will change anybody's libido.
Choose a moment with room to listen
Consider raising the subject when neither of you is being asked to decide about sex there and then. Ask whether it is a good time: ‘Could we talk about how closeness has been feeling lately?’ If it is not, suggest returning to the conversation at a time you both choose.
A conversation is not permission for sexual activity. Either person can decline an activity or change their mind, including after an affectionate evening or an earlier conversation.
Describe your experience before interpreting theirs
Try a sentence about yourself: ‘I have been finding it difficult to switch off,’ or ‘I miss feeling close and would like to understand what feels good for both of us.’ That is different from deciding your partner is uninterested in you or must feel the way you do.
You can ask what they would like you to understand, then check that you have heard them accurately. Leave room for ‘I am not sure yet.’ Nobody has to produce an immediate explanation or agree to change their body to make the conversation worthwhile.
What does research actually support?
A 2019 meta-analysis combined 48 studies of couples' sexual communication and aspects of sexual function. Better communication was associated with several outcomes, including desire and overall sexual function. The analysis examined correlations: it does not prove that a particular conversation causes a change, or that these prompts are a tested intervention. Findings also varied across the groups studied. [1]
Use that research as context for taking communication seriously, not as another instruction to talk perfectly. The study did not test Pink Venus or establish an effect of any supplement.
Ask about comfort, preferences and boundaries
Possible questions include: ‘What kinds of closeness are welcome at the moment?’ ‘Is there anything you would like us to pause?’ ‘Would you prefer affection that carries no expectation of going further?’ Listen to the actual answer rather than treating one kind of touch as a route to another.
If an activity is painful or unwanted, stop it rather than using conversation to negotiate through discomfort. If a change in desire worries you, discuss it with a healthcare professional. NHS guidance identifies several possible contributors to low desire and recommends seeking support when you are concerned. [2]
Agree something small that you both want
The next step could be an uninterrupted conversation, a walk together, time alone or returning to a question later. It does not need to be a sex-frequency target. Ask whether the plan feels comfortable for both of you and leave room to revise it.
If discussions keep becoming upsetting or difficult, you can explore suitable professional support together or individually. You do not need to solve everything in one evening.
Keep the purchase out of the promise
Pink Venus is a food supplement. Buying it creates no obligation to feel desire, accept touch or have sex. It does not resolve a difference between partners, and the research here is not evidence of a product effect. Our guide to libido and comparison offers another place to read at your own pace.
Sources and reading notes
[1] Mallory, Stanton and Handy (2019), Couples' Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis, The Journal of Sex Research 56(7), 882–898. DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2019.1568375. Research discovered through Consensus; the paper record and original PubMed abstract were checked. Correlation is not proof of a causal treatment effect.
[2] NHS: low sex drive. Page reviewed 26 May 2026; consulted 21 October 2026.
For adults. General information, not a diagnosis or personal medical advice. Prepared with AI assistance and checked against the sources listed; no clinical review is claimed.